Bad Pizza Leads to Team Success

Boston, MA - After receiving a pizza of terrible quality from local pizza giant "Uncle Jub's Pizza," players of the Boston Red Sox have been getting their revenge by abusing "Uncle Jub's" game promotion. Uncle Jub's promised that if the Red Sox hit four home runs in one game, every person in the crowd would receive a free slice of Uncles Jub's plain pizza for that game. The Red Sox players were appalled before the first game of the season when the pizza they received from Uncle Jub's was burnt, dry, and cold. "It was a horrible experience for us," said one pitcher. "When your sitting in the locker room waiting for a hot pizza and you get a piece of crap, it really hurts. It's traumatic." The players have been planning their revenge since that day, a day that they have called "Uncle Jub's Deadness," which symbolizes how Uncle Jub's pizza became "dead" to them after the horrific incident. They are now taking their revenge by playing extremely well and making Uncle Jub's have to give away a lot of free pizza. In the Red Sox's first 20 games, they have hit 4 home runs in 18 of them. With an average attendance of 35,000 people, this has resulted in a total of 630,000 free slices of pizza. In fact, many Uncle Jub's pizza joints have had to shut down due to lack of supplies. "I've never seen them this determined," said the Red Sox's manager. "They swing the bat very hard. They're actually earning their salaries." Players have reported that they don't care about pitch location or aiming the ball. "We just thrash at anything that comes our way, pretending it's that stupid pizza boy's head," said the first baseman. In an effort to copy the Sox's recent success, Baltimore tried a similar food-related act when they had rotten bananas from local shop "Banana-Banza" fed to all of the players. This failed, however, when all of the players went down with a major food-borne illness.