War Veteran Says Dodging Adele on Radio is Like Crawling in a Mine Field

Vietnam veteran General Stapless is voicing his frustration with mainstream music, saying that avoiding an Adele song on the radio is both harder and scarier than sneaking through mine fields in Vietnam. "I fought in 'Nam for four years. Nothing was scarier than walking through a deserted landscape, hoping that mines didn't litter the place. Nothing...until that gal." Stapless says that he used to love music. But now when he climbs into his 1981 pickup truck, he's too petrified to turn on the radio. "Something's Deep," what he thinks the song "Rolling in the Deep" is called, is simply too horrible to listen to. "Music isn't as grand as it was in my day, but this song is downright terrifying." The song is so harmful to Stapless that his doctor has ordered him to never listen to it. "As if the pitchy notes and apathetic attitude of the song aren't enough, they have to play it constantly on the radio," says his doctor, who finds the song both medically unhealthy and not something he wants his friends to see on his MP3 player. "I'd rather run through a barrage of bullets or drink pure agent orange than listen to that horrible song," says Stapless, who admits that the song makes him more depressed than his war memories. Stapless' family puts him to sleep at night promising Adele won't recover from her vocal surgery, which makes him feel much better. With Rolling in the Deep fading away, Stapless' family is hoping he never realizes that "Someone Likes You" (his interpretation of Someone Like You) is not a 1920's love ballet, but another song in which Adele complains about boy problems.